It is not just a moment rather an incident, an incident that has lasted for almost 4 years. My relationship with my partner Matthew is something that I treasure for multiple reasons. It has brought me many moments and many treasured incidents within the last 4 years, all of which, whether the peak of happiness or the pits of despair, I treasure.
My Matthew is the equivalent to a trampoline. You jump up and fall down and then bounce back up again, all due to the initial energy that flows from your feet into the bouncy mesh. The mesh is secured to the metal frame by metal springs or coils. These coils are what allow the material to give to the force you put on it and repel you back into the air.
“The pronounced elasticity affects the impacting object.”
So in my analogy as Matthew as the trampoline, I push, he pushes back. All the shit that I project outward comes flying back at me with at least the same energy that I put it out there with. I think there is a law of physics that says something like energy gains momentum, maybe it’s the whole kinetic energy thing?? I digress too far into making a point sometimes that the point gets lost, so leave it at sometimes the rebound is a bit more forceful. *
*for those interested, the kinetic energy of an object is the energy which it possesses due to its motion. It is defined as the work needed to accelerate a body of a given mass from rest to its stated velocity. Having gained this energy during its acceleration, the body maintains this kinetic energy unless its speed changes. The same amount of work is done by the body in decelerating from its current speed to a state of rest.
I know that energy is transferred and never lost, so it remains that the energy between two people has got to be given and taken. Have you ever seen two people argue? Have you ever seen two people making love. As one ramps up, the other follows. We tend to match the others place in the emotion when we are close to that person. Imagine that you are lying in bed with your partner and you begin kissing. Intensity increases and the kissing gets deeper, hands start flying all over the place and breathing get heavier. As your lover gets more turned on, you in turn get more turned on which of course gets them even more turned on…you get the picture? I think science calls this momentum. In classical mechanics, linear momentum or translational momentum is the product of the mass and velocity of an object. For example, a heavy truck moving fast has a large momentum—it takes a large and prolonged force to get the truck up to this speed, and it takes a large and prolonged force to bring it to a stop afterwards. If the truck were lighter or moving more slowly, then it would have less momentum.
Back to the love making and arguing. As the momentum of the love making ramps up energy multiplies exponentially. This blast of energy ends in screaming, pulling hair out, eyes rolling back into heads and “don’t ever make that face again” situations. After this explosion (hopefully for both parties involved) the energy shifts. The breath and hands slow down but the body is in a heightened state of awareness and bliss. The tingles, pillow talk, exclamations of satisfaction (the “damn girl” and the “that was mad crazy”) and the cool down all are the newly transformed foreplay and sexual energy.
Momentum is a measurable quantity, and the measurement depends on the motion of the observer. For example, if an apple is sitting in a glass elevator that is descending, an outside observer looking into the elevator sees the apple moving, so to that observer the apple has a nonzero momentum. To someone inside the elevator, the apple does not move, so it has zero momentum. The two observers each have a frame of reference in which they observe motions, and if the elevator is descending steadily they will see behavior that is consistent with the same physical laws (Thank you Wiki… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Momentum.) It’s all in where you are sitting that determines how you see things. It all looks different; it is based on who we are and how we are made. It matters what has happened to us because it is what will happen to us. The challenge, is understanding whether you didn’t follow the directions on the box or whether your ingredients are the problem.
It’s the same with arguing. The fighting escalates and builds on the harsh words or actions of the other or others. Have you ever noticed in the middle of the fight, you are light years away from the place that you started? The point of the argument is now minimal in importance compared to the atrocities that are now spilling out of both of your mouths. Resentments are tossed back and forth with reckless abandon. Every fault or insecurity is paraded before you by the person that you never thought would be the grand master of your pity parade. The fight always ends, it escalates and de-escalates. There are tears, slamming doors, storming out, driving away and running away. As both people run out of horrible things to say, or one has some epiphany of the harm that they are doing to the other person, tunes change. No one can continue at that pace for very long. Now all the mid-evil energy is transformed into long talks about how “we should start treating each other with love and respect”, “I don’t know why we fight like that, we are so in love” and “I never want to hurt you, those things just came out because we were fighting. I hate it when I treat you that way.” You can imagine what the energy morphs into. We are back to lovemaking…the momentum changes, but it never goes away.
All of this has a point, I promise. I would be happy as the next Buddhist nun if I was living on a mountain with a goat. That’s easy (well actually, no disrespect to those on mountains with goats, I am sure that living with a goat isn’t that easy, let alone yourself and your mind) but I can imagine that I could get with myself a lot easier than I could a bunch of people that have all kinds of ideas and behaviors that all end up affecting me. My experience with others challenges me and my existence (sometimes way more than necessary), and without those annoying people, I might just not ever think to be different. Alone is not a challenge, your flaws are not as obvious, it’s like living in a world with no mirrors or windows.
Matthew is my mirror. He is the coils on my trampoline. He is the window I stand outside looking at myself through. He, however unkind at times, holds me to a higher standard of myself. He is my MRI machine, identifying all the masses, tumors and infections that are hidden from my view, undetectable to the human eye. The intimacy lens through which he sees me is one that is not for sale at Lens Crafters. No one else gets that prescription. He knows every inch of my body, soul and mind. What better of a mirror than that?
Of course along with that intimate connection comes the party that all intimate partners are invited to; the projection party. Here in lies a line that is so fine that most of the time we are unable to see it. The clarity comes from the other pair of glasses that we have at our disposal, the ones we call reflection. It is only after we crucify others and hear their pleas for mercy that we see that the cross they are on actually belongs to us. That is another story all together so I’ll save it for another time, but you get my drift…
It is my belief that Matthew, in this lifetime will provide more for me than my goat. However cute and cuddly, my goat cannot provide the rigor that Matthew does (among other things…) My limits are tested, my character flaws exposed, my morals and values established, my choices become real. That is certainly more valuable than books, laws and religion. My true self has been lost and with Matthew as my mirror, I am finding Layla again. The road is long, dusty, hot, miserable, lush, green, moist and beautiful, but it’s a road worth being on.
I have to de-brief with the acknowledgement that I am not of the level of enlightenment to have all these things in my relationship with self. If allowed to have a few more hundred lifetimes of human re-birth I may be singing a completely different tune.
So to the question as to what moments or incidents I treasure, I treasure my Matthew. Just the way he is, just the way God made him, and just for forever. Not just because he brings me happiness but because he has taught me how to see everything about myself and more…